The internet has rallied behind a concerned father who made the tough decision to ban his daughter's boyfriend from their home.
Reddit user u/Familiar_Form9665 shared his dilemma on the popular "Am I The A******?" forum, seeking advice about a difficult situation involving his 18-year-old daughter and her 26-year-old boyfriend of five months. His post quickly gained attention, amassing 6,900 upvotes.
"I didn't like him from the start because of the age difference. He's very rude and arrogant. I can't physically do anything to him because he's a big guy," the father explained in his post.
More From Newsweek Vault: Checking Account vs. Savings Account: Which is Best for Your Finances?
"But he has been very disrespectful in my household. He comes whenever he wants, without acknowledging me, and his 'activities' with my daughter can be loud sometimes. The walls in my house are thin."
After confronting his daughter about the boyfriend's behavior didn't work, the father decided to ban the young man from their home.
However, this led his daughter to spend more time at her boyfriend's place, often returning late. Unsure if he had made the right choice, the father turned to Reddit for guidance. Three experts in family therapy offered Newsweek their verdicts.
More From Newsweek Vault: Rates Are Still High for These High-Yield Savings Accounts
Expert Opinions
Ozan Toy, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer at Telapsychiatry in Dallas, Texas, weighed in on the situation, telling Newsweek: "Everyone has their own parenting style, but I would argue that some boundaries are being violated here.
More From Newsweek Vault: Online Banks vs. Brick-and-Mortar Banks
"A parent has the right to refuse anyone into their home if they feel uncomfortable."
Marriage and family therapist Becky Whetstone, from Texas, also supported the father's decision, acknowledging its difficulty.
"The daughter now hangs out with the boyfriend at his place, which is a better option if they're going to be spending time together.
"Dad should focus on safety and respect, and avoid trying to control her too much. Most 18-year-olds are going to do what they want, regardless of their parents' opinions.
"If watching her make poor choices becomes too painful, he might consider asking her to move out."
Seth Eisenberg, a relationship expert from Miami, Florida, suggests that the father should maintain the boundary of not allowing his daughter's boyfriend into their home, but that this should be communicated with empathy.
He advises the father to express the need for respect in the household, while also engaging in open, non-judgmental dialogue with his daughter, showing concern for her happiness and well-being.
"Letting her know that he is always there for her, no matter what, can create a safe space for her to open up and feel secure.
"He might reassure her by saying, 'I love you, and I'm here for you, no matter what happens. If you ever need to talk, or if you're unsure about anything, I'm always ready to listen without judgment.'
"This approach, along with the possibility of seeking professional support if needed, can help the family navigate this challenging situation," he told Newsweek.
Reddit Reacts
The Reddit community overwhelmingly supported the father. One user, BeachinLife1, wrote: "NTA [Not the A******]. You can't control who your daughter dates, but you can control what happens under your roof."
Another user echoed this sentiment: "NTA. You have the right to decide what behavior is acceptable in your home. Setting boundaries is important."
Others cautioned the father to tread carefully, warning that too much pressure could backfire. "In my experience, pushing too hard could make her more determined to stay with him, just to prove she's independent," said Rus_Shackleford.
Concerns about the couple's age gap were also a recurring theme in the comments. Elleryblush expressed discomfort: "And I know she's of age, but that 18 to 26 gap really bothers me."
Another user referenced the controversial "half your age plus seven" rule, which suggests that the youngest age someone should date is half their age plus seven years. "By that rule, this guy shouldn't be dating anyone under 20," the user noted.
While some users find this rule useful, others criticize it as overly simplistic. One user, Sheriff_Branford, shared a different approach: "That equation is gross. I've always stuck to the 'five up, five down' rule—no more than five years older or younger."
The Child Exploitation and Online Protection Command (CEOP) cautions that age-gap relationships can present significant challenges, particularly when one partner is very young, there can be a notable power imbalance.
Individuals should prioritize feeling heard, respected and safe, and be mindful of any controlling or abusive behaviors.
Several Redditors emphasized the need for the father to keep the lines of communication open with his daughter.
"You need to let her know that you're there for her," one user advised. "Tell her you have a bad feeling about it, but that you're open to being proven wrong. If she ever feels uncomfortable or unsafe, she should know she can come to you."
Newsweek reached out to u/Familiar_Form9665 for comment via Reddit. We couldn't verify the details of the case.
Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.
